Dreaded Debut

Jovie made her debut on the morning show this morning.

(Jovie did great - no tears!)

But, I made my debut, too.  I've been dreading the moment for a while.

Funny, how I never cared how big I was when I was pregnant.

But I guess it's the mindset of...well, you're supposed to be bigger.

I preface the following by saying, I love my baby.  She is my main concern.  Not myself.

However,  I'm 50 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight and just a few weeks away from heading back in front of the camera.

Needless to say...I won't be losing that weight in time for my second debut.

Sometimes I feel viewers (because I'm on tv) expect you to.

But, whatever.

I don't mean that in a flippant way. I love our viewers.  But I'll do something better for them....

Learn to appreciate my body right now. 

Easier said than done. 

Still, I can't do any crazy diets because my baby needs that nutrition.  What I eat, she eats.

So no fasting.

People who know me, know I've struggled with eating disorders.  I'll never do that again.

AND... I can't even work out yet because of the c-section.  It's been a tough recovery.

So I'm stuck for now.  But in that period of idleness, my mind is transforming.

I'm going to appreciate motherhood and the body that comes with it.

And so this post is for everyone - big or small - who feels the same way I do.  

Embarrassed.  Uncomfortable.  The general feeling of..."this isn't me".  

I feel that way.  And now I have to feel that way in front of the camera.

But I promise to work on it (my health and my mind's idea of perfect).

So promise yourself the same things.

Work on your health

...but in the meantime don't hate yourself for not hitting your goal right away.

Focus on the things that really matter.  

And for me, it's my Jovie.

5 weeks

Today Jovie spent a good amount sleeping -- my typical little newborn.

But after snapping a few photos...she woke up. :)

Happy Five Weeks, baby!

one month old.

Can you believe Jovie is already one month old?  I can't.

And this picture is exactly how we feel these days.  TIRED.  

BUT... more in love with our little girl then ever.

Here is a rundown of our little bug at one-month old.

- Jovie has gone from 8 lbs 15 oz at birth to 10 lbs 5 oz.

- Jovie has gone from taking 6-8 oz of formula/supplement a day to 2-4 oz a day.

- Jovie will not take a pacifier, but wants to suck anyway.  

It's very hard taking her little hands out of her mouth.

- Jovie's nails grow so fast!

- Jovie has nighttime confused for daytime.

- Jovie calms down for perfect strangers.

- Jovie calms down for her little birdie toy in her car seat.

- Jovie is much more alert.

- Jovie's hair (thought you can't tell in this picture) is a much lighter brown than mine and Rhett's.

- Jovie's hair is growing more...even though she was born with plenty.

- Jovie's eyes are still a slate grey.

- Jovie likes to be sung to by mom.

- Jovie likes being swaddled by dad.

Time goes by much too fast, my little one.

Thank you for reminding me to enjoy every moment.

Fourth of July

Happy Fourth, everyone!  Jovie is exactly four weeks today.  

She wore that dress all of a couple hours...then she was back in her sleeper!

This might be the first time in four years that Rhett and I stay awake for any fireworks.  And that's because Jovie has decided to that her awake time is between 10pm-4am.  

Any suggestions on how to change that?  It's rough!

Meanwhile, enjoy her little patriotic dress.

 

As happy as...an elephant?

<3.

This picture makes it look like Jovie is a little obsessed with elephants.  But no.  Her dad and I are obsessed with her little elephant shirt, though.

Jovie is also sitting in her swing from grandma and grandpa Allen.  She loves it.  It really helps calms her down when she's being fussy/tired.

You may have noticed her recent smiles in pictures (because every post has to have a picture).  That smile helps me when I'm feeling sad, grumpy, or tired.  Not that I'm suggesting people should have babies because of how it makes them feel at all.  

But it's the relationship I'm developing with my little one that makes me realize that all the other little things I worry about in life just don't matter as much.  That relationship makes me forget about how I'm going to pay hospital bills or when I'm going to get to shower next or do the laundry. 

(I wish family lived closer!) 

But the bond I'm forming with my little one leaves me so fulfilled.

Yep, it's rough having a newborn.  It's disorganized and chaotic, if anything.  

I've never been more tired in my life.  

But, I've never been happier either.